Ideas.

Readers,

     This is a really and literally "late at night" post. Well, I need to dump off some problems before meditating for my departmental exams and other stuffs that would surely test again my abilities to cram.

     Anyways, since no one reads this post, or seldom reads this post rather, I'd like to discuss some matters here. First of all, I almost got crushed by an issue, and hopefully, I "really" resolved it by now. Well, friends matters most than personal happiness. If you know about the issue and you're reading this, just try to understand, will you? Don't make false accusations, because you don't even know what I'm doing just to save the friendships I got.

     Enough with the issue, just try to pray for us a bit, including me. Things could get worse if I make a wrong move. Keep in touch. That's all for now readers. Good night.

.GH.

Readers,

     It's been a while since I last posted here. :)) Sorry for that, well, I used the time to "collect" ideas on what to post here. Also, I can't post because of the "position" of my PC is not really suitable, literally NOT SUITABLE. It's at the middle of 3 doors of our rooms in our new house, and what's worse? When I'm in front of it, at my back is the stairs, so I won't know if someone would be staring at what I'm doing. I LOST PRIVACY. :))

     But anyways, I can't handle the ideas anymore, so I have to write down tonight. Let's start with a little appetizer, so yes, we just moved into our new dream/miracle house. It's still not finished, no paint yet, though can be called home now. It's bigger, better, and most of all, it's cooler here, LITERALLY COOL. :P I got my own room, unfortunately, had to share it with my younger brother, who's sometimes a "pain in the ass", if you know what I mean, but he's cool and he's good, I just don't know how long will it take for him to be a better kid.

     Anyway, enough with the new house, I'm keeping my whereabouts as private as possible. (It's as if you would know where I am when I describe the house to you fully. :))Let's go to what happened to me for the past few weeks. Well, it's been good, though A LOT OF BAD THINGS HAPPENED. Well, let's start with a little issue. We had an "acquaintance party" organized by our college student council. It was successful, though the food is not that "satisfying". Imagine, you would pay a decent amount of money for the fees, well, WE understand that we paid not just for food, and WE EVEN UNDERSTAND that the food is just a "light" meal, but to give us like a SINGLE cracker with a little mayo on top, then some nachos with a little dip, then a chicken "strip", can even be called chicken "bits", that's really disappointing. Well, in the end, we knew what REALLY HAPPENED. It was raining that afternoon, so the vehicle carrying the "tons" of food was delayed, and got to our venue when the party was almost over, and only a few people remained to finish the program. THIS POST would get me "killed", but it was the rights for the others to know what really happened. And besides, no one reads these nowadays.

     I got a bit paranoid these last few days. Well, my so called "love life" is really getting complicated, though I'm still in my senses to decide to pursue for it. Let's just not talk about my love life, for "she" requested me not to talk about her on any of my online postings/writings.

     That's all for now readers, all the ideas I had slipped away for some reason as I'm writing this post. :)) Hope to write again in the next few days. Good night.

.GH.

Readers,

     It's been 4 "boring" days without classes. I should have gone to school last Saturday, but classes were canceled due to heavy rains. And it's been a while since I've posted here, so here I am.

     What's the topic for tonight? Well, I dunno exactly, maybe just a random topic from my mind. I'm writing a song, and it has 6 lines now, but still got no title for it. I'll post it when it's done, maybe tomorrow, if I feel like I wanna post something. Well, I'm not into writing these days, but I was forced to write these because of a certain situation. You see, our professor in History wants us to join some events in our school with regards to the birthday of our National Hero, Dr. Jose Rizal, which we celebrated last Sunday, June 19, 2011. Well, the events, actually competitions, were of course, about the Philippines if I'm not mistaken. So, our professor in History wants us to join some events, but unfortunately, no one in our section wants to join, HONESTLY. Because of our "busy" schedule, and a bit hard major subjects, we don't have time fit that events. Well, I'm the president of the class, and I hate it when I get a bad image from someone, especially from a professor, so I checked the events and competitions, and I saw a competition about writing and singing a song. Well, it's the best I can do if I want to save the image of our section, so I am now writing a song. Unfortunately, although I'm a choir, I'm not that good in music, especially when it comes to WRITING and READING music. So, what I'm doing is just writing the lyrics, and hoping someone, who knows music of course, can arrange a piece out of it. I got a friend who knows how to deal with it, so I'm hoping he could help me. BUT, the problem is, I got no more time to practice it, and I don't even feel like singing it in front of the crowd, so what I'm gonna do is pass it to our professor, without even the tone of it, so it's sort of a poem. I'm gonna tell him HONESTLY that, without disrespect to him or to our National Hero, but no one in our class wants to participate in the events, and that it's the best I can do to somehow fill in the gaps, and show him that the "representative" of the section did some efforts and wrote a "song" without a tone, so a poem, just to show him that we can do it, we just don't have time, and maybe courage. I am expecting he wouldn't understand it, and maybe get angry with it, but hey, I'm just doing my job as a president.

     Whew, that was a story. Well, that could be the story for tonight, for boredom strikes again. :) Good night readers. Cheers!

.GH.

Readers,

     It's been a while since I last posted here, and my mind is again a bit full so I need to discharge. Tonight, I'm gonna talk about a person. He's really famous, all over the world if I'm not mistaken. He's not an actor, not a singer, and he's absolutely not Mr. Bean. His name is Jose Rizal, a Filipino, a fellowmen of mine, who fought the Spaniards during the time of colonial occupation here in the Philippines. He used his pen as his weapon, and it was said that his pen was much more stronger than a sword, and with it, he wrote his two lethal novels which struck the Spaniards so hard that they are forced to execute him, which in turn ignited the whole nations' patriotism and lead to massive revolutions and rebellions.

     Today, we are celebrating his 150th birthday, not just as a national hero of the Philippines, but as a symbol of freedom and nationalism. But, at one angle, we could see that we are just celebrating his birthday just like a festival. Parties, programs, fests, and all sorts of happy gatherings are not bad, but if we look really closely, we are just celebrating it, but we do not really honor what he did for our country. HE DIED FOR OUR COUNTRY, and yet, all we do is celebrate on his birthday, eat and drink, then tomorrow, it's back to normal. Back to daily living of ordinary people who go to their work and get sick of it, poor people who work hard under the sun just to have something to eat, rich people who spend their money on stupid things, beggars and street kids doing all sorts of stuff on the streets just to have a few coins, students who really don't go to school and just waste their time on other things, and public officials who spend their time planning how to gain much profit by corrupting projects and all sorts of illegal activities. Now some of us ask, is this what Dr. Jose Rizal died for? To celebrate his birthday, yet forget the real meaning of it?

     I am just a student, we all know that, but I am not blind enough to see what's going on. Rizal talked something about the children of tomorrow. He said that "we" should be the one who will help the Philippines rise after it had its independence, but what did we do? We had it flying high in the sky, then we just let it go to fall down. Now we're lost in this maze of the new century, trying to find where we really belong. We lost our nationalism, we lost everything we had before. I am not a perfect, not even a model student, but hey, I am a Filipino, and this is our land, and even though I don't have the opportunity to do what Dr. Jose Rizal did, I am doing my best to set things right, to correct everything we did wrong. Little by little, I can make it, so I am asking each and every Filipino out there, do your task. Don't be afraid of what's gonna come next, for everything has been planned right from the very beginning. You are a Filipino, and it is your responsibility to help the country, no one is gonna do it for you, so unless you help yourself back up and help your country, you won't see any progress and hope for this dying world.

     Good night readers, and a Happy Father's Day to all! Happy Birthday to Dr. Jose Protacio Rizal Mercado Alonzo y Realonda! You will live forever.

.GH.

Readers,

    It's been quite a since I last posted here. Glad I'm back. Well, this is a morning journal because I don't have time to post at nights now, schedule is very tight and LATE. Today is my DAY.

    First day in school. Should be fine, I guess. Let's meet the new professors who will throw every spear and arrows to you just for their lessons to sink in to your brain. Hope they're kind enough for grade considerations. It's okay that they are in the "ogre" or "lazy" model, as long as they got the heart to give considerations.

     New day. Let's get this started right away. Good day readers!

.GH.

Readers,

     Evening everyone. It's not a nice evening for me though. Wanna hear some story? Okay fine. I'll tell it since no one even cares to read this, and since this is my way of escape.

     I had been a very bad boy when I was still a youngster, specifically, when I was in my grade school days. I am a very bad liar, always telling my parents that I'm going somewhere to practice some presentations and the likes, but I just go to the computer shop and play online games, coz' I was addicted that time to online games. I spend everything I have just to play computer games, and I remember one time, I spent 700 pesos in one day just playing computer games with my friends and what's worse? I treated them all, so then paid nothing. My mom knew about it and I was scolded BADLY. That's the punishment, so I have to accept it. I was a great boy when I was a kid, but when I entered grades 4-6, my life got a little bit off-track. I started playing computer games, I lied to my parents, I lied to my teachers, I even forged my teacher's signature just to have a reason to go out of the house and play computer games. I am ADDICTED to computer because we had a computer shop when I was little, so I had an early introduction to computer and I was so amazed.

     So that's me in my grade school days. When I entered high school, it got a little worse, but at the same time, it shaped me as who I am today. I am the kind of person who can adapt to any given situation and environment, so I easily made friends among my classmates, and that friendship still exists today. What's the foundation of our friendship? A computer game. My school was far from home, so I can freely do what I want. So during my high school days, we usually play DOTA, that highly addictive game where you need also the strategy to win. Well, it continued until fourth year high school, without my parents knowing it. They don't even know that, until now. Well, playing it is REALLY bad, but because of that game, I made friends and I knew lessons that aren't taught inside the four corners of the classroom. Well, that's the bad side, the good side, because all of my classmates during my high school days are competitive, and the professors have high expectations on us, I did my best to keep up with them. So I gradually changed. I learned a lot of things from a lot of people, especially from my choir conductor/music teacher/second father. I am a member of our school choir, and our conductor is the only one in the world that conducts a choir with such patience and kindness. I became really close to him like he was my father, because I can freely tell him everything, starting from my success, to my problems, to what bothers me. And he knows whenever I have problems, so he always insists me to tell him, and when I did, he gives simple answers I never thought of. He was the one who told me to stop playing DOTA, and I obeyed him immediately. Why? Because I respect him that much and it's the least I can do to repay him everything he has taught and given me. Unfortunately, playing computer games is a part of me now, especially that I am an IT student now, so more with computers, so I can't easily take it out. So, I used what I learned and mastered during my high school days, proper time management. I play DOTA, but I also study.

     So much for the long story, so for short, today, not to be so proud of myself, but I can confidently say that I am a better man, a trustworthy man. What I don't understand is, why can't my parents, especially my dad can't understand it? I know he get some bits of it, but why can't he understand it FULLY? This is actually just the beginning of this script, because this was inspired by a graduation speech I just read. THIS IS A REBELLION. I know I had been a bad boy when I was a kid, and I know I broke my parent's trust, but I did my best to change it. All of my friends are free to do what they want, and sometimes I envy them. They can use the computer whole day long, they can go wherever they want, and whenever they wanted to. What about me? Because I broke their trust when I was a kid, I am still suffering the consequences. I did what they want. I studied hard, I changed myself. I can use my personal computer now, but I only use it at night so that won't bother them, but whenever I use it, especially when surfing the net or typing my journals, I feel like my dad is always irritated. Whenever I have to go somewhere, I always tell my mom first because she understands me now. My dad? I can't even tell him because I feel he still don't trust me. When I was in high school, I always come home late because I had practices with the choir, and he thought I was just wasting my time on something else, so he always scold me. One time when I can't handle it anymore, I told my conductor I would just quit. My conductor refused, so I told him what's happening. After that, he told me he would fix it. When I got home, my dad talked to me and apologized. He told me that my conductor called and told him everything I am doing, and told him that I was a good student at school. I cried after that, and felt that I am slowly regaining my dad's trust. But now, I can't even understand why he still treats me like this? I KNOW MY DUTIES. I HAVE INITIATIVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! You don't know me anymore. Maybe mom knows a little about the real me now, but you?! What about you?! You still think that I am irresponsible, I can feel that. Tell you what, go to my school and ask my professors about me. Ask them anything about me, how am I doing, or how's my attitude, or am I bad or good, and let's see what they will tell you. DON'T ASK MY CONDUCTOR, because you will just think he would just give a biased answer to save me. I CAN EVEN FREELY TELL MY CONDUCTOR WHAT I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU INDIRECTLY. Ask my classmates or batchmates about me. I am not a perfect son, BUT I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY THAT I DID MY BEST TO SATISFY EVERYTHING YOU ASKED ME TO DO, and at some points, I even excelled it.

     I am tired of being the slave of this fear I have for my dad, but I can't even blurt it out in front of him, so I did it here. I am tired of all those times that you still think I am not a trustworthy son who just lie and do more bad than good. I am tired of all those times that I keep everything in me, those times that you don't even see me cry when you see in the wrong point of view. I keep it all in because I LOVE YOU DAD, and I'm trying my best to keep it all in because I know that what you are doing to me is just your way to say "I love you too, Son".

Readers,

     Dahil maraming matang nakatitig ngayon sa monitor ko sa mga oras na ginagawa ko ito, pagkaabalahan niyo muna ang aking "Unpublished Work". Isa itong kuwento na ipinagawa sa amin ng aming propesor sa Filipino. Well, ganito kasi yan, binigyan niya kami ng isang linya, situation to be exact, and bahala ka na magdugtong kung anong kasunod, at kung ano ang katapusan. So ang binigay niyang umpisa goes like this, "Gabi. Malakas ang ulan. Habang magkahawak kamay kami ni ...", yan yung line, so bahala ka na magdugtong ng part mo. It's kinda making your own story with a given situation. So, here's what I've came up with. Hope you enjoy reading it.

Unpublished Work
No Title, just the content.
Writer: Me. You know me do you?

            Gabi. Malakas ang ulan. Habang kami ay magkahawak-kamay ni Alexa at naghihintay na tumila ang ulan, napansin ko na kanina pa siya sumusulyap sa akin. “Bakit?”, ang tanong ko. “Wala, bakit?”, ang tugon niya. “Wala lang, kanina ko pa napapansin na tumitingin ka, may problema ba?”, muli kong pagtatanong. “Problema? Wala naman.”, sagot niya. “Sigurado ka? May gusto ka yatang sabihin, ano ba iyon?”, nahalata ko na nagdadalawang-isip siya. “Ha? Ah, eh, kasi...”, nagdadalawang-isip niyang tugon. “Ano ba yun Alexa? Sabihin mo na, para naman may mapag-usapan tayo habang hindi pa tumitila ang ulan.”, anyaya ko sa kanya para magsalita na, kahit medyo kabado na ako dahil ngayon ko lang siya nakita na nagdalawang-isip magsalita. Hindi siya nagsalita, tila ba wala siyang naririnig.

            Unang taon ko sa kolehiyo noong magkakilala kami ni Alexa, na classmate ko pa noon. “Pre, check mo nga itong pangalan na ito, classmate natin to eh...”, sabi ni Roger, ang sanggang-dikit ko. First day of school noon, break time, at naisipan namin na subukan ang internet café sa loob ng campus. “Ito naman, unang araw ng klase, babae inaatupag mo.”, sagot ko. “Sige na, titignan lang eh, masama ba yun?”, pang-aasar tapos tatawa. “Ano ba pangalan nun?”, sabi ko. “Alexa Herrero yata yun.”, tugon niya. Kapag sa mga leksyon, pinapaypayan pa ang utak ni Roger bago matuto, pero kapag babae na ang usapan, kahit isang metro ang layo niya at ibinulong mo ang pangalan nung babae, maririnig niya at matatandaan. “Ito ba?”, tanong ko, pagkatapos ko i-type ang pangalan na binanggit niya. “Sakto pre, oh ayos diba? Nandun yan sa may dulo, bandang kaliwa, kanina.”, nakangiti niyang tugon. “Mata mo talaga, kung anu-ano nakikita, tara na nga, tapos na break time, di man lang tayo nakakain.”, sabi ko. “Eh sino ba kasi itong adik mag-computer? Oh ano pre, sayo na lang yun!”, sabay halakhak. Napailing na lang ako.

            Pagbalik naming sa classroom, nandun na yung mga classmates namin. At as usual kapag first day, yung mga magkakakilala lang yung nag-uusap, kaya tahimik pa ang mundo. Hinanap ko yung tinutukoy ni Roger. Lumipat siya ng upuan, sa may bandang harap. Pinagisipan ko kung tatabi ba ako o hindi, kasi kapag tumabi ako, pag-tritripan ako ni Roger, baka mailang pa sa akin yung babae. Hindi ko na binanggit kay Roger, pero napansin ko na din yung babae kaninang umaga, pero di ko narinig yung pangalan niya nung tinawag siya nung propesor namin kanina, kaya natuwa ako nung banggitin ni Roger at nahanap namin sa Facebook, hindi ko na lang ipinahalata kay Roger. Naglakas loob na akong tumabi. Nakakaramdam si Roger, pero di naman siya nag-trip. Hindi ako nagsalita at kinuha na lang ang cellphone ko para mag-soundtrip.

            Noong hapon na iyon ay hindi kami nag-usap nung babae kahit magkatabi kami. Nakiramdam lang ako. Habang naghihintay ako ng sasakyan pauwi, nakita ko siya na patawid ng kalye. Tamang hinala ako nung nagkasabay kami sa jeep, at pagkakataon nga naman, magkatabi pa. Hindi ko na pinalampas yun, nagsalita na ako. “Ah, Advertising ka din diba? Ikaw yung katabi ko kanina?”, tanong ko. “Ah, oo, bakit?”, sagot niya. “Ah, wala naman, ano po pala pangalan mo?”, tanong ko ulit. “Alexa, ikaw?”, tanong niya. “Angelo, saan ka nauwi?”, sinusulit ko na ang pagkakataon para makilala siya agad. “Sa Marikina, ikaw?”, tanong niya ulit. “Ah, diyan lang ako sa Cubao.”, nakangiti kong tugon sa kanya. Napahaba ang usapan naming hanggang sa malapit na ako bumaba. “Bukas na lang ulit, dito na ako eh, salamat sa oras, ingat ka ha.”, sabi ko. “Ikaw din.”, nakangiti niyang tugon. Yun na yata ang pinakamatagal na isang segundo ng buong buhay ko, at sa sobrang tuwa ko, muntik pa akong hindi makababa. Natawa na lang siya.

            Dumaan ang mga araw, naging magkaibigan kami at napalapit sa isa’t isa. Ang araw ay hindi kumpleto kapag hindi ko siya nakita. Minsan nga, kahit ang ganda ng araw, walang klase o kaya walang propesor na pumasok, bad trip pa rin ako kapag wala siya. “Pre, ayos ka lang? May problema ba?”, tanong ni Roger. “Ha? Wala.”, sabi ko habang nakatanaw sa malayo, tila ba may iniisip na malalim. “Siya ba yan?”, tanong niya. “Sinong ‘siya’?”, ang tanong ko, pero alam ko na kung sino ang tinutukoy niya. “Si Alexa, malamang, sino pa ba.”, pang-aasar ni Roger. “Ha? Eh bakit ko naman siya poproblemahin?”, sagot ko. “Eh alam ko naman na may gusto ka sa kanya eh.”, sulsol ng siraulo kong barkada. “Wala kaya, ito, gawa-gawa ka nanaman ng istorya ha.”, kunwaring hindi totoo. “Sus, kung ako sa iyo, bibilis-bilisan ko ang diskarte kasi mukhang may umeeksena.”, sabay turo sa baba ng building. Hindi ko mawari nung una kung ano o sino ang tinutukoy niya. Ilang sandali pa nung nahimasmasan ako, at nabigla ako sa nakita ko, hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Si Alexa, may kasamang lalaki, at itsurang kinikilig si Alexa. Pinagmasdan ko lang sila, at kunwari wala akong pakialam, pero sa loob ko, parang nahiwa ng bahagya ang puso ko sa di maipaliwanag na kadahilanan. Pag-akyat nila ng hagdan ay pumasok na rin ako ng silid-aralan, para na rin hindi na makita ang mga pangyayari.

            Magmula noong insidenteng yun, naging madalang na kaming magkasama ni Alexa. Ako na mismo ang sumubok na umiwas. Kung minsan, kapag nasasaktuhan ko pa, nakikita ko siya at nung lalaki na napag-alaman kong taga-kabilang seksyon lang pala na magkasama. At may mga bagay silang ginagawa na hindi naman ginagawa ng magkaibigan lang.

            Minsan, sumakay ako ng jeep na parang wala sa sarili. Hindi ko na masyado nasilip ang mga sakay, pero pagpasok ko nung jeep, nagulat ako dahil nasa loob si Alexa, at kung minamalas pa, sa tabi niya na lang ang bakanteng upuan. Ayoko naman na bumaba dahil baka sobrang mahalata niya na iniiwasan ko na talaga siya o baka maisip niya na galit ako sa kanya. Napilitan akong tumabi sa kanya, pero sa isip ko, hindi ko siya kakausapin o kahit titignan man lang. Nasa kalagitnaan na kami ng biyahe ng biglang nabangga ang jeep na sinasakyan namin, at hindi sinasadyang napasandal siya sa akin at ako nama’y sinalo siya ng biglaan. Mabilis ang mga pangyayari, pero nabilang ko ang mga segundo na nahawakan ko siya. “Salamat.”, sabi niya. Hindi na ako umimik at inalalayan siyang umupo ulit sabay tingin sa labas. Napilitan kaming bumaba para lumipat ng ibang jeep. Habang naghihintay ng ibang masasakyan, bigla niya akong tinanong. “Galit ka ba?”, ang sabi niya. Ayoko sana magsalita, pero kailangan, “Hindi.”, tugon ko. “Eh bakit ka ganyan? Hindi mo na ako kinakausap.”, pagtataka niyang tanong na may bakas ng pagkalungkot. “Ha? Eh kasi...”, hindi pa ako tapos nang bigla siyang magsalita. “Dahil ba sa kanya? Nagseselos ka ba?”, dugtong niya. “Ha? Sinong siya?”, kunwaring hindi ko alam. “Angelo, hindi ako manhid. Alam ko na may tinatago ka sa akin, please naman, wag mo naman ako pahirapan. Noong isang araw ko pa napapansin na nag-iba ka. Iniiwasan mo na ako.”, sabi niya. Parang binato ako ng takip ng kaldero sa ulo na sa sobrang tining wala akong marinig kundi ang mga sinabi niya. Dumaan ang isang jeep, sumakay na kami, hindi ko siya sinagot. Tumahimik na din siya at umupo sa kabilang dulo ng jeep.

            Noong gabing yun, hindi ako nakakain ng hapunan. Hindi rin ako makatulog kaya naisipan ko munang magpalipas ng oras sa tapat ng computer. Pagbukas ko ng Facebook ko, naisipan kong pumunta sa pahina ni Alexa. Sinusubaybayan ko ang pahina niya magmula nung magkakilala kami, ewan ko ba kung bakit sa tuwing nagbubukas ako ng Facebook, siya ang unang hinahanap ko. Nakita ko ang isang post niya. “Minsan, kung sino pa ang taong hindi mo inaasahan, siya pa ang kakailanganin mo.”, nakalagay sa post niya. Nakita ko na 10 minuto pa lang ang nakakalipas nung maipaskil ito sa pahina niya. Nakita ko din na online siya kaya naglakas loob na akong kausapin siya dun, para hindi kami nagkakakitaan ng reaksyon. “Alexa, sorry kanina. Magulo lang ang isip ko.”, ang sabi ko sa chatbox. “Oh, Angelo, bakit gising ka pa? Okay lang, naintindihan ko. Pero kung may problema ka, sana sabihin mo sa akin, baka matulungan kita.”, tugon niya. “Alexa, may gusto sana akong sabihin sa iyo, pero wag ka sana mabibigla.”, lakas loob kong sinabi, dahil gusto ko na din magtapat, nagbabaka-sakaling matapos ang araw ng maganda. “Ano ba yun? Kanina pa kita tinatanong, pero hindi mo naman ako sinagot.”, ramdam ko ang pagkadismaya niya nang sabihin niya yun. “Kasi...”, gusto ko nang sabihin kaso ayaw lumabas ng mga salita at hindi ko mai-type ang mga gusto kong sabihin. “Kasi ano?”, parang naaasar kasi nabibitin siya. “Hay, paano ko ba uumpisahan... May gusto ako sayo.”, lumabas nang sapilitan ang mga salitang hinugot ko pa sa kailaliman ng utak ko. “Ah, eh, kasi, alam mo Angelo, hindi pa ako handa sa mga ganyang bagay. Pasensya na.”, tugon niya. Parang gusto kong hampasin ng maso yung computer ko nun, pero sumagot ako. “Ah, okay lang yun, wala naman problema yun, mahalaga ay nasabi ko ang nararamdaman ko para sa iyo.”, ang sabi ko. “Ah, okay, sorry talaga.”, sabi niya. “Sorry kung nasabi ko sa iyo yun, nahihirapan na kasi ako itago. Sana walang magbago, sana magkaibigan pa rin tayo.”, ang sabi ko. “Oo naman, sana kausapin mo na din ako.”, ang sabi niya, bakas ang kasiyahan sa kanya. “Oo naman, salamat ha, sige, kailangan ko na matulog, good night.”, ang sabi ko, may smiley pa sa dulo para hindi halatang nalulunod na ang puso ko sa sarili nitong dugo na parang nahiwa ng malaking blade. “Good night din Angelo. Bukas na lang.”, ang huling sabi niya.

 

            Umaga na. Pagkagising ko, ramdam ko agad ang kamalasan ng araw na iyon dahil unang pumasok sa isip ko ang mga sinabi niya nung gabi. Parang kakaiba ang mundo noon, maaliwalas pero ramdam ang hindi magandang aura. Pagpasok ko sa eskwelahan, wala akong ganang mag-aral, marahil puyat din ako kasi halos dalawang oras lang ang tulog ko kakaisip sa mga sinabi niya. Sa sobrang lungkot ko, tumambay na lang ako sa kung saan maganda ang tanawin, mahangin, at tahimik, sa fire exit. Iilan lang ang pumupunta sa lugar na iyon, lalo na yung mga sawi sa pag-ibig katulad ko. Nagkataon na walang tao dun ngayon kaya solo ko ang lugar na iyon. Isang oras ang nakalipas, nakatanaw lang ako sa malayo, habang nakasaksak sa tenga ko ang earphones ko at nakikinig sa mga senti na kanta. Napatingin ako sa baba, at kapag nang-asar nga naman ang kapalaran, hindi sinasadyang nasakto ang tingin ko, nasa fire exit rin sa ibabang floor si Alexa at ang lalaking naisip ko agad na boypren niya na. Nakaakbay ang isang kamay nung lalaki sa kanya habang hawak naman nito ang isang kamay ni Alexa, habang sila’y nagtatawanan. Sa badtrip ko, umalis ako sa lugar na iyon at dumeretso sa computer shop, kung saan naabutan ko ang mga kaklase kong adik sa DOTA, naglaro ako at nilunod ang sarili sa murahan, tawanan, at asaran para lang mamanhid.

            Gabi na nang matapos kami maglaro. At kapag hindi pa tapos ang araw, ibig sabihin hindi pa din tapos ang kamalasan, kasi umulan. Naghintay muna ako sa waiting shed ng masasakyan. Maya maya pa’y may nakita akong tumawid na nakapayong, at sigurado akong babae yun dahil nakapalda. Hindi ko siya namukhaan, hanggang makarating siya sa waiting shed kung saan ako nakatayo. Nabigla ako. Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko at parang huminto ang mga patak ng ulan. Si Alexa ang mahiwagang babae sa ilalim ng payong na dilaw. Tila nabigla din siya, pero hindi siya nagsalita. Tumabi lang siya sa akin habang inaayos niya yung payong na dala niya. May dumaan na jeep, kaso puno na, malas. Napansin ko na papalapit siya sa akin. Mas bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko at wala na rin akong marinig. At sa hindi maipaliwanag na kadahilanan, hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. Napatingin lang ako sa kanya. Basa siya kasi sobrang lakas ng ulan. Parang puputok ang puso ko sa bilis ng tibok nito, at hindi ko rin maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko, sobrang pagtataka na may halong kasiyahan. Inilayo ko ang tingin ko. Magkahawak-kamay pa rin kami, at napansin ko na sumusulyap siya sa akin. “Bakit?”, ang tanong ko. “Wala, bakit?”, ang tugon niya. “Wala lang, kanina ko pa napapansin na tumitingin ka, may problema ba?”, muli kong pagtatanong. “Problema? Wala naman.”, sagot niya. “Sigurado ka? May gusto ka yatang sabihin, ano ba iyon?”, nahalata ko na nagdadalawang-isip siya. “Ha? Ah, eh, kasi...”, nagdadalawang-isip niyang tugon. “Ano ba yun Alexa? Sabihin mo na, para naman may mapag-usapan tayo habang hindi pa tumitila ang ulan.”, anyaya ko sa kanya para magsalita na, kahit medyo kabado na ako dahil ngayon ko lang siya nakita na nagdalawang-isip magsalita. Hindi siya nagsalita, tila ba wala siyang naririnig. “Bakit ngayon lang? Bakit?”, dugtong ko, para lang masimulan ang usapan. “Ha? Hindi kita maintindihan.”, sabi ni Alexa. “Bakit ngayon ka lang nagparamdam? Bakit ako at hindi siya? Bakit? Hindi ko maintindihan.”, sobrang takang pagtatanong ko. “Ang totoo niyan, may gusto rin ako sa iyo Angelo, magmula pa nung nagkakilala tayo sa jeep. Hindi ko masabi dati. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. At kung bakit ikaw ang pinili ko at hindi si Dharell, yun ay dahil mas gusto kita.”, pagtatapat niya. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita, at niyakap ko siya. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal kami magkayakap, pero sobrang saya ko ng mga sandaling iyon. Para bang naalis lahat ng lungkot at badtrip ko. Parang ginanahan na ulit ako mag-aral. Parang nagising ang totoong ako. Sa sobrang saya ko, hindi ko napansin na tumigil na ang ulan. “Halika na, umuwi na tayo, ihahatid na kita.”, ang sabi ko. “Okay, ayan, sakto, may jeep na parating.”, sabi ni Alexa. Sumakay na kami, at hinatid ko siya hanggang kanila. Umaambon nang bumaba kami ng jeep at naglakad papunta sa kanila. Habang naglalakad kami, napansin ko na may papasalubong na dalawang lalaki. Nang magkalapit kami nung mga lalaki, tinutukan kami nito ng baril at nagdeklara ng holdap. Sumigaw si Alexa dahil may mga bahay na sa di kalayuan. Hindi ko siya napigilan, at hindi ko rin napigilan ang isang holdaper, agad niyang binaril si Alexa, sa dibdib. Humandusay si Alexa sa lupa. Lumuhod agad ako at hinawakan ang kanyang mga kamay. “Mahal kita, Angelo.”, ang mga huling salita ni Alexa bago siya malagutan ng hininga. May narinig ulit akong putok ng baril.

            Gabi. Malakas ang ulan. Nagising ako sa lakas ng kidlat. Nakatulog pala ako sa harap ng computer ko. Nakabukas pa rin ang pahina ni Alexa sa Facebook, at nakita ko pa ang “good night” niya sa chatbox ko. Nahimasmasan ako. Napansin ko na may nagpadala sa akin ng mensahe sa Facebook. Si Dharell. Nagulat ako dahil hindi ko alam kung saan at paano ako nakilala ni Dharell, pero mas nagulat ako sa mga sinabi niya. “Pare, congrats, napaka-swerte mo naman at ikaw ang pinili niya. Sorry kung nakikigulo pa ako. Hindi ko na siya guguluhin pa para sa iyo. Good luck.”, ang nakalagay sa screen. Sinampal ko ang sarili ko para magising, baka kasi natutulog pa ako at panaginip nanaman ito. Masakit, pero natuwa ako dahil alam kong nasa tamang mundo na ako.

            Halos dalawang oras lang ang tulog ko dahil sa bangungot na iyon. Pagbaba ko ng jeep papasok sa eskwela, medyo lutang pa rin ang isip ko sa mga pangyayari at sa karumaldumal na panaginip na iyon. Naglalakad ako nang biglang may humawak sa kamay ko. Si Alexa.

Good night. Libre ang mag-comment, so just comment if you like, whether positive or negative.

.GH.

Readers,

     "Scotty McCreery!", and as Ryan Seacrest announced who won as the American Idol, people began to stand and clap their hand on him. From a simple country boy to America's new star. Now that's a story.

     This is the only season of American Idol I watched as a whole season. Yung iba kasi, puro ending lang ang napanuod ko or some parts of it. This time, sinubaybayan ko siya, and I tried to learn something from it. I thought, what could be the feeling of that short moment na marinig mo ang pangalan mo na banggitin ni Ryan Seacrest bilang American Idol tapos lahat ng tao na nanunuod sayo sa buong mundo ay alam mong humahanga na sa iyo ngayon, then you see everyone stand from their seats clapping at you, then you see your family very happy for you, then you even see the judges who maybe once your idols when you were a kid stands and salutes your triumph? I'm thinking, what could be Scotty thinking during that moment?

     So I put myself on his shoes for a while in my imaginary world. Then I began to realize that winning that kind of competition would really make me happy, but at the same time, nervous and a bit problematic, but happiness would reign of course. Pero inisip ko kung anong mangyayari pagkatapos ng show. Uwian na, congratulations from all of those you meet, konting empake kung saan kayo tumuloy, then celebration, tapos marami pang iba kasi papasok ka na sa mundo ng mga artista. Then kinabukasan, when you wake up in the morning, it might feel a little bit normal, pero paglabas mo ng kwarto, for sure, isang malupit na congratulations kaagad ang sasalubong sa iyo. May mga taong pupunta sa bahay niyo, na magtatawag nanaman ng party sa gabi. Maraming tao na ang tatawag sa iyo na hindi mo kakilala tapos aalukin ka ng advertisements, mga gigs, recordings, at kung anu-ano pa. Then biglang dadami ang dapat mong gawin, magiging busy ang buhay mo, at sa sobrang busy, may mga bagay ka na dapat bitawan. May mga bagay ka na dapat iwanan, mga bagay na hindi mo na magagawa kapag artista ka na. At the same time, gaganda ang buhay mo, yayaman ka, magkakaroon ka ng maraming kaibigan at kakilala, magiging sikat ka, yung kahit saan ka magpunta, kilala ka ng mga tao.

     Then I got my conclusion. When you start to be an artist, it's kinda very exciting and happy for you, but when you have all that you want, it could get a little problematic and very sad. Why am I writing this anyway? I am one of those who dreamed of being an artist someday. But now, after concluding that kind of life, I'd like to be just a normal person who can contribute to the world without being problematic. Well, good luck to my idol, Scotty, it's his destiny, so he should take it.

     It's been a great day. I got my voucher now for my enrollment, all I have to do is pay my tuition fee at the bank. Summer's almost over, so let's get this party started for the first day of classes! Good night readers.

.GH.

Readers,

     Today is May 20, 2011. Tomorrow is May 21, 2011, the date that they claim to be the end of the world. According to an article I read earlier in the Yahoo News, everything would start after an earthquake, then those who are "true" believers would be sent to heaven, and the rest, will be junked down to hell. Well, I ABSOLUTELY don't believe that tomorrow is the end of the world. On the other hand, if it is true, it could mean no more posts after this, so I expect that this would be a bit long and dramatic... Of course I'm just joking.

     Katapusan na raw ng ating kinagisnang mundo bukas. Nung nalaman ko ito last Saturday nung nagkita-kita kami ng aking mga kaibigan, natawa lang ako. Pero now that I read an article about it, I got a little confused if it is true or not. Well, sabi nga nila, wag ka basta maniwala sa mga bagay bagay na nalaman mo lang sa iisang source kasi baka fake, kaya hindi ako naniniwala. Pero what if it's authentic at ako lang ang tinatamad mag-search sa Google para malaman kung may iba pang sources na magpapatotoo dito? Kaya ayoko na rin isipin kung totoo o hindi, kasi kung totoo, hindi ko pa natatapos ang isa sa mga pangarap ko, ang paghandaan ang araw na iyon.

     Anyway, tama na ang usapang takutan na kung mali nga ba ang Mayan Calendar o kung hinulaan din ba ni Nostradamus ang mangyayari bukas, or kung bakit kinanta ni Rebecca ang Friday, it's been a very confusing day for me. Why? First of all, it's been a great day for me, (I guess) kasi umalis si erpats, may pasok si ermats, so naiwan nanaman akong in-charge dito sa bahay for the rest of the afternoon. Then, I don't have to go to work and clean at our new house kasi nga walang maiiwan sa mga kapatid ko. I did everything I want, like my goal to fix and have a maintenance of my computer, then after that, I finished 2 episodes of my favorite Korean Love/Drama/Comedy Series, then played a bit of a computer game, then watched a movie on the TV, all of these before my dad gets back. Well, hindi naman sa tinatago ko sa kanya ang mga ginagawa ko, pero I always got the feeling na whenever I am doing my own pleasures in life, parang iritable siya, I don't know why. Like every night na haharap ako sa PC, parang naiirita siya or naiinis. Well, I don't really have a proof, but hey, I'm not that insensitive para hindi makita ang mga signs. Kung minsan nga, naiisip ko, ito na lang naman ang hinihingi kong kapalit eh, ito na lang. Yung simpleng Facebook sa gabi at konting panuod ng videos sa internet, yan na lang yung pleasures na hinihingi ko. Hindi naman ako makalabas ng bahay dahil una sa lahat, wala naman akong kaibigan dito sa neighborhood, as in wala, kahit isa. Tapos kapag lalabas pa ako ng bahay para lang bumili, tatanungin pa ako kung saan ako pupunta, yung tipong ganun, well not literally, pero parang ganun. Kahit minsan nga hindi ako humingi ng kahit anong bagay sa kanila unless hindi important and except nung mga toys nung bata ako. Kapag may binabayaran nga minsan sa school, I shoulder it with my own savings without telling them, kasi kapag nagsabi ako, bibigyan kaagad ako ni Mom ng pera, pero pag gipit ako, humihingi ako and kapag binigyan niya ako, I feel a little ashamed of myself. I do everything they want, everything they told or ask me to do, all I want is my little pleasures in life, at kapag nakikita ko si erpats na ganun kapag haharap na ako sa PC, naiisip ko na lang na sana hindi ko na lang kinahiligan ang computer, na siya rin naman mismo ang nag-introduce sa akin. Well, commercial lang iyon, back to the topic, so yun nga, naiwan ako dito maghapon at nagawa ang mga gusto ko, yet just tonight, I realized that something is missing. It's like my whole day is incomplete, though I did everything I wanted to do. I dunno if it's true that I'm too young to know love itself, but hey, I miss someone, and they can't do anything about it. I miss her badly, and she don't even know how much I love her because she can only read it in text messages format. I don't even know if she would appear on the date I'm suppose to meet her. I watched 500 Days of Summer and got a bit disappointed in the end because Tom never got Summer. Only one thing's for sure, I'm going to find her no matter what.

     Dramatic ending for that paragraph, let's try a little turn around. I just finished two episodes of My Girlfriend is a Gumiho, and and it's getting really exciting. I don't think I would watch it tonight because I would just get addicted again like what happened earlier. I was supposed to cut the internet at 2:30 but I got addicted, I finished the whole episode by 3:00. Well, Mi Ho is the only one who's keeping me happy these days. The only problem is my CPU is a little bit old, depreciated, and "low-tech", so my video watching isn't not that excellent in terms of quality and speed. The solution? Well, it's just a short time solution. I followed some tips from an article I also read at Yahoo News last month, I cleaned up my disk, deleting temporary internet files and unnecessary files that are just cluttered on my desktop and documents. Then, I "defragged" my computer. It took a little while before it's done, but hey, there's little improvement. Sometimes, the old ways are still better than sophisticated cleaning and maintenance software that just consume disk space. A bit happy by that.

     I guess only a few person is reading this stuff so I'll just end it with a little smiley, so those who will read this might also smile in the end. Good night readers. :))

.GH.

Readers,

     Naantala ang panunuod ko ng My Girlfriend is a Gumiho DAHIL kumuha ako ng ilang pirasong pelikula mula sa aking malapit na kaibigan. Just finished watching 500 Days of Summer and Limitless.

     Astig siguro kung mayroon talagang NZT48. Pop it in your mouth, swallow it down your throat, and let it mix in your brain. Voila, you have a very great life. Side effects? Unfortunately, it's not just bleeding, vomiting, headache, or migraine. You start taking it, you MUST never stop, you stop, you die. So for short, better not take it if ever it exist. Kung hindi ka masaya sa buhay mo ngayon dahil nagdarahop ka na for example, still, don't drink it. A pill with instant temporary solution can't do the trick. Well, dun sa movie, may supply stash siya kaya nabuhay siya. Eh what if it existed pero limited stock only? Tapos nung una hindi pa alam ng lahat ang side effect. Then nag-public launch pa sa mga supermarkets. Bumili ang marami. Next thing in the morning, everyone's dead. Tapos ipinasara ang manufacturing company, eh ikaw may 7 piraso pa sa lalagyan mo, solve for a one week to say "I love you" to your loved ones before you die.

     Anyway, lipat tayo sa medyo makulit na part. I can see myself right now in the shoes of Tom. And Summer? Well, she's a bit far from me. Our story is a bit different from the actual movie, although, really similar. Ayon sa movie, hindi daw totoo ang fate, destiny, soulmates, or whatever. So, does it mean "she" is not meant for me? Kanina ko pa iniisip ang bagay na yan. Pero ayon sa paniniwala ko, it's how you write your own story. It's not because Summer and Tom had a relationship like that it means they are a couple, they're just friends right? But that's what the director says, and not me. So I'm gonna create my own slide show, so as to be original. Hopefully it will work.

     For you who might read this, you know I love you. I don't care if you don't accept my friend request or keep telling me you're busy OR doesn't even show up on our first meet up, I just want you to know that I'm not gonna give you up that easily, not this time. Well, Tom thought that it was Summer that he was looking for. To tell you frankly, I think he's right, unfortunately, the director wants him to be wrong, so that's not my problem. I'm writing this because this is the only way I can tell you this long, because text messages are too short, how I feel for you. I don't even know if you're reading this, but I wrote this to tell those who will read it that I'm serious with you, and that I'm not some kind of guy who just likes to write or type whatever his bright mind thinks. I'm telling everyone who will read this that if you broke my heart again, I swear I will still find you, and marry you, as I have promised. :))

     The above paragraph is not a joke, not even 1% of it is a joke. Think of it as a crap, or think that I'm a coward because I can't even tell her personally what I feel for her. Or if you even know me, everyone thinks that I'm too young. Well, to tell you, I am not that young, it's just the age. To you who reads this, congratulations you found this. That just means you're not some idiot who does Facebook all day long, it only means you're smart and bored enough to find out what might be happening to someone in this world that is interesting.

     That's all for now readers, and if you find this, nice job, I salute you. Good night.

.GH.